First off, I really enjoyed the way your introduction set the scene for the poems to come. You emphasized the importance of the poems and their nature as true depictions of characters and events in the Ramayana, and really built up the suspense for the poems to come. So great job!
However, there were a few grammatical errors that I picked up on. For one, in the first paragraph you have an apostrophe when pluralizing Rakshasas that isn't necessary. Then, in the fourth paragraph you have "able translated," when it should be "able to translate." Then in describing the first poem, you have simply "milky serpent" when an article is necessary before it. Additionally, when discussing Sita's poem you have "that the other poems" when it should be "than the other poems." I may have missed some other errors, but these stuck out and should be easy enough to fix.
Finally, may I just say that your skills in writing poetry astound me! You were able to make so many references, obvious and discrete, and you employed such imagery I could really picture what you were describing! And the recurring theme of the seeds and the lotus really brought the entire poem together, as did repetition of terms and words from one stanza to the next. Simply amazing!! Fantastic job, I cannot wait to read the poems to come.
Thankyou for your comment...I am terrible at proofreading so I know it was distracting with all the errors, but thankyou for taking the time to close read it and I am glad that you were able to pick up on some of things I was hoping readers would pick up. Very keen.
Hi Joe! First off, I just want to say that I love the topic that you have chosen. I love poetry, so I was excited to see how you would display it in your storybook. The picture that you chose for your cover page is very fitting for the topic, especially once I went to your introduction. I really like the manner in which you chose to narrate your stories as poems. The narrator is given an interesting back story. At the same time, you are giving an explanation for any stylistic differences that there may be between each poem. This gives you freedom to adapt each story as you choose. After reading the introduction I was hooked. I definitely wanted to read the poems. I have to say that the first poem was very well written. It is amazing how many things you were able to subtly reference throughout the poem. Though it was not extremely complex, your poem made me stop and think about all the things being stated. I love the way that you use Rama as the lotus to tie the poem together. I also think it is interesting how you use Dashratha as the author, displaying his pride in his children, as well as his guilt at Rama's fate. Overall, great job! I look forward to reading the next poems!
Hey, good morning, Joe! I just want to say I found your storybook to be very interesting. It is definitely the first I have seen that is set in this way. The way in which you actually come up with such a long and well-put together poem telling the intricate Indian epics is quite impressive. I also really liked the design your storybook. The black background and tan letters make it is easy on the eyes to read. While the background may be black and tan, I found the various colorful and vibrant pictures to be a nice touch in adding a splash of color. The introduction to your storybook is also very easy to read. I found myself being drawn into to the story and before I knew it I was fully immersed in what was happening. I loved the depiction of how the protagonist grows up to continue his father’s work and clear his name of ridicule. Another aspect of your introduction I really enjoyed was how you laid out what Indian tails you would be addressing and deciphering and then you go ahead and show us how you found Rama to be a real person. There are a couple grammatical errors throughout but nothing too bad. Keep up the good work.
Joe I was immediately drawn in by your cover page with the image you included, I like that you sized it to be a prominent part of the page to demand attention. Your introduction was really creative and I was worried at first I must admit because my storybook has a character who is an archeologist with archeologist parents as well. I love the angle you took with this, much more than I like my own storyline! I think giving the character such a great purpose of renewing his father’s name from shame strengthens this storybook. He is not simply looking around and finding these poems to decipher, which would be the easier route to go with this (I am pretty sure I took this route). I am super impressed with the first poem you chose to include. It seems like you are really good with word play and metaphors. I am not so great at deciphering poems like this but there were parts in here that were easier to understand than others. The author’s note you included helps the reader understand the overall meaning of the poem though so this is a guide, maybe you could put it at the beginning to make it easier to follow beforehand, but it is fine where it is as well! The picture of the lotus was also a great inclusion since the lotus is the main part of the poem pertaining to Rama. Great job !!
Hello, Joe! I just wanted to thank you for the comments that you've left on my stories and storybook. I really appreciate the compliments, and like that you were able to pick up on a lot of the emotions, themes, and characterizations I included. Also, thanks again for the compliments on my artwork! Something like that is hard to put out there, and comments like yours help build my confidence. Thank you!!
Joe, I really like the way your storybook is set up. I think the image you selected for your front page is really awesome. Where did you find it? I love art like that. I also really like the black backdrop. It kind of gives it a creepy feeling though. Is that what you were going for? I also like the idea of restoring a father’s name, especially through the medium of poetry. It’s nice to see someone else appreciate poetry these days. I appreciate your idea to use no meter – the free verse is beautiful and I think that you did a really good job capturing a certain element found within the stories told by R. K. Narayan. I also like the theme of the garden and lotus – the natural element provides a really good foundation for something so sad and filed with remorse. I agree with your notion that some of the best poems are ones with fewer words to paint a picture. My favorite part of your poem is the last stanza: And now I sit unable to express the regret of this despair, Silently I suffer in this karagar I have constructed, Sentenced by my own hand to die by dukh, A crown, a throne, and a kingdom my son will never see…” It really captures the essence of the sadness of the characters.
Hi Joe! Wow - great job on your first story. Honestly, I don't know how you come up with stuff like that - it's great. Your intro really sets the tone for your poem to come without giving too much away. I also like the picture you used in your story. At first glance I was confused but after reading it, it really made sense! Your poem is awesome. It mixes simplicity with complexity. if that makes sense. You used such simple language to describe a seemingly complicated topic. Aside from that, you used a lot of imagery. I could picture it all in my head as I was reading, you begin to feel what the person speaking is feeling. The fact you can do that through a poem is even better! Your whole theme kind of gives off a solemn feel. I don't know if that's what you were going for or not - but, it is kind of in contrast to the actual poem. However, maybe it will go better with some of your other poems. We will see. I have a hard time reading white writing on a black background. Maybe that it just me, but if someone else ever mentions it..it might be something to think about! Other than that, I really love the style you're using, it's so different from anything anyone else is doing! Great job!
Hey, Joe! Your storybook was really cool to read. Writing it in the form of poetry is unique and a refreshing new change of pace which I really appreciate. The picture on the opening page was really beautiful and I love how it covered the majority of the page with beautiful colors. For the introduction, I was a little confused as to what the lotus was supposed to symbolize but as soon as I read your author’s note, it made a lot more sense. I should have picked up on the symbolism before, but it’s late at night so that’s probably why I didn’t. It was also super cool that you included links to different Indian phrases that added authenticity to the poem but also was educational. Your author’s note was very helpful for a number of reasons. For one, it helped clarify the lotus symbolism. Also, I like how you included what the different phrases from the poem were references to. It shows that you put a lot of thought into your work to use such unique symbolism and it’s even easier to appreciate the poem now that I know what everything means. Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading even more of your poems.
Hey Joe! I would like to start off by telling you how much I really enjoyed this Storybook. It is one of the more unique ones that I have read so far. I really enjoyed the introduction part of this story. I really like how you included the parts about the younger days and why the writer respects his dad so much. It is also really clear why he must clear his dad’s name and make sure that he doesn’t continue to be a joke in the archeology group. I wasn’t really sure what to expect in the beginning and that really kept me going through this Storybook. There is never really a boring point through out this storybook. The poems really caught me by surprise. I didn’t really pay attention to your title and that’s probably why I was surprised. I just expected a explanation of the poem the writer found, but instead these are the actual poems. I was really amazed by your first poem. You did a really great job writing the story in a poem format. You also used really great metaphors that help the readers understand what you are talking about. I was really impressed by your first story/poem and can’t wait for the next one.
Hey Joe, great job with your storybook concept! I really liked how you chose to do your storybook as a poem book. I mean how unique is that? I loved the idea and it got be super excited to see what all you included as your poems. I must say you have the right idea in mind and I can tell you are a great writer and are very creative. I liked all the unique titles you chose for each of your poems. I think the concept is clear and solid through the introduction, which is great! I also liked the cover page picture you chose because it is new and pleases the readers to want to read your book and enter your world of poetry. I enjoyed reading the first poem because it was so good and interesting! I wanted to read more and more which is exactly what you want from your readers. I liked the word choice and how elaborately you wrote each verse in your poem and your overall poem format was great! I think you are doing a great job with this storybook and I can't wait to read more of your poems. Great job!
Great job with your storybook! This is the first storybook that I have read that uses the poem storybook style, and I think it makes your project very unique because writing 500 word poems is a lot harder than writing an 500 word story! You are a very creative writer, and it shows in your writing. I am not that creative so I really appreciate when I see someone blow me out of the water with their creativeness like you are doing with your storybook! Everything in your storybook is unique. From the titles, to the way you incorporate pictures in your storybook, everything really attracts the reader and wants them to read more. Your introduction is really good, as well. It is clear and explains the concept of your storybook really well. The layout is also good because it is clean and does not distract the reader away from your amazing poems! Your word choice is also really good. It is very descriptive and easy to follow. Your storybook is one of the best storybooks I have read so far! I cannot wait to read more of your poems throughout the semester. Keep up the good work with these creative poems!
Introduction: This is SO believable. I had to keep telling myself that this is just a story you have made up. Since it seems so real, I wonder how you got your inspiration for this storybook. Are there some details that you took from your own life? I think you presented you topic very well, and I am excited that you did your story book in poem format.
Dasaratha Sadness: Should the title read, "Dasaratha's Sadness"? I really like the parallel between Rama and the Lotus flower, and how you carried it throughout the entire poem. It looks like you put a lot of thought into the way you describe the beginning story of Rama from his dad’s perspective. I did notice that your stanzas started to slowly get smaller and smaller throughout the poem. Was that intentional? And I love the beautiful picture of the Lotus flower at the top.
Sita’s Sonnet: Clearly even after Sita decides not to kill herself she still is very affected by Rama’s exile of her. I am very impressed that you were able to stay within the disciplined confines of the structure of a sonnet. I think it was natural and beautiful to write a poem from Sita’s perspective about Rama. Question: If the existence of Rama is doubted, then is the existence of Sita and Dasaratha also questioned? If it is the case, then the find of these poems is even greater. And then if this is true why can’t there be a poem written directly by Rama?
This was my first viewing of your storybook, so I will be considering your introduction as well as some of the stories. I think the first paragraph is solid overall, but the part that starts with "plus" appears to be a run-on or comma splice of some sort. I really enjoyed the interaction with the father and son, even though it was a little sad with the lack of time the father had for the son. My favorite part was that it became a quest to save the family name and reputation of your father.
I can honestly say I would never have picked to write poetry as my storybook project, so definite kudos to you for going beyond the typical project for this class. I can't say that I've ever understood the appeal with poetry, but using free verse in your writing definitely helped me from reading it like a limerick. I think the part of the poem I enjoyed the most was that it came from the voice of Dasaratha, one of my favorite characters. I like to imagine him scribbling down this poem while viewing a lotus flower much like the one in your picture.
Hey Joe! I wanted to revisit your storybook and see what all new poems you came up with and I must say you did a great job and did not disappoint your readers. You have a great writing style and your poetry is fantastic! I think the flow of each poem and line is great and not boring. I love the titles you chose for your poems because it describes the main concept and idea you are referring to or going to talk about. I think through your poetry you are giving out great detail and idea to your readers. I think your poems are both fun yet descriptive, which is great! I love the pictures you chose even though they are simple; they bring out the idea behind the meaning of the story. I would recommend working on laying out your poems in a cleaner way since it's kind of confusing which way to read and what is the end and what is the ending note. I would maybe lay the picture around the text and maybe fix on a single font size or something. Overall, I think you have the right idea and your book looks great. Good job!
Yeah I agree Keerti. In my first poem the layout was easy but in the sonnet it was much harder. I really liked your layout and how you were able to fit the pictures in with your story. I am glad you noticed the issue with the picture because that was an issue I was most concerned with, unfortunately it was the best I could do because it is a sonnet so it makes it hard to break the lines up and each way I tried just came out all messy looking but you idea about the font may be something I can look at because I had not thought of that.
Hi Joe! This week was my first time to look at your storybook! I thought the image on your coverpage looked really good against the black background!
Introduction: I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I thought you did a great job making the narrator relatable! Any of us would hate to see our father described in the way his father, so it really allowed the audience to form an emotional attachment to your character! I also love the idea of him proving them all wrong and redeeming his father! I think it's really cool that he was inspired to be an archaeologist by his father's stories! After hearing a little bit about the poems, I'm so excited to read them!
First story: Wow, this was amazing! You are so good at writing poetry! I was very impressed. I love how you really referenced how connected all of Rama's brothers were to him, because they were all part of Vishnu! I especially loved this line in the poem: "This debt that is owed has given me days of joy, This debt now paid brings my remaining despair." I thought you did a great job of going through Dasaratha's emotions from the birth of his sons to his death. I thought the Author's note was very helpful in allowing us to further understand the story!
I am going to wait for another week to comment on your second story so that I have plenty to write!
You did such a great job! It was so creative to use poetry as your writing style! I would definitely have been intimidated by that.
Hey Joe! I chose to ready your storybook as my free choice because I believe yours is one of the few that I hadn't had the chance to read yet! I was really drawn by your title when I was looking through the class's list of storybooks and I was just curious as to what you would have done with poetry. First of all, your cover page is really attention grabbing. It really catches the eye and is pleasing to look at. The image that you chose is just perfect, and really made me want to read on. Your introduction was also really great. I was captivated and curious the entire time I was reading it. I love the storybooks that relate to real life situations and really make them feel like it is your own personal story. I think that is a great way to appeal to the reader and make it relatable. I also really like how you showed us little excerpts from the poems that were found to make us interested. I think you chose a really creative way to tell your stories here. You were able to make them simple and easy to read, but to the point. My favorite of the two stories would definitely have the be "Sita's Sonnet" because I am such a sucker for a good love story. I think you did an amazing job at creating a lot of emotion in the poem, and really making it easy for us to image her speaking this poem herself. Overall, I think you did such a great job here. I really look forward to coming back and reading your last two poems! Fantastic job!
Hey Joe! This is a great storybook and just keeps getting better as you add stories or in this case poems. I already said this and just wanted to say I again. This is one of the best storybook I have read so far. The introduction is really great and does a great job introducing the poems and bringing the whole storybook together. I really like this last peom because no one ever tells Sita’s side of Ramayana and the exile, and this poem does a great job of it. You did a great job in the last poem and can’t wait to read more.
Hey Joe! This was my first time visiting your storybook and I was really excited about it. I saw that your title said "poetry" and I was instantly intrigued. I like your cover page; it's simple, but the colors work well together and it's easy to read. Your introduction was also really nice. I liked how personal and relatable you made it. You really created an emotional connection between your readers and your character. It's sad that the father and son didn't have much time together. I love that this is set up to be a story of redemption. Who doesn't like a good story of redemption and family? Your whole introduction tugged on the heart strings and made me want to read on! As for your first story/poem, I want to start by saying that I like the image you chose. I love lotus flowers, and they are so symbolic. I'm highly impressed with your writing and bravery. Most people wouldn't choose poetry for many reasons including the difficulty of writing it and the possibility of criticism. Poetry is so emotional and personal, writing it can put the writer in a vulnerable place. Your poem is really beautiful and I like that you added links to further explain parts that may be confusing to readers. I LOVE your storybook!
Hey Joe, it's me again! I simply HAD to return to your storybook this week. I am a huge fan of poetry and am so impressed with you and your writing. I read "Sita's Sonnet" this week and it was wonderful. I love the sorrowful feel of this poem; you really know how to invoke specific emotions in your reader. I especially loved this part of your poem:
"He promised wealth for my carnal embrace, I demanded poverty to stay chaste, He offered life for my willing consent, I asked him for death before I’d relent"
Your wording throughout the entire poem is superb, you know how to use more advanced and truly descriptive wording. I love that you emphasized her loyalty and devotion. She is such a passionate character and I feel like many writers and stories don't do her personality justice. I feel like she is so much more than what is portrayed in the stories we read. You did a great job of capturing her and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. I also want to compliment you on your ability to stick with the style of a sonnet. Sonnets can be pretty challenging to write because they have such a strict and specific structure. I write mostly freestyle poetry, but enjoy the challenge of occasionally sticking to a particular style (limerick, sonnet, haiku, etc). You did an excellent job and I look forward to reading you next poem.
Wow, this is the first time I've seen your storybook, and it's great! It's very ambitious to tell all these stories through poetry, but you really pull it off! The images are all very beautiful as well. Your poems do a good job of conveying a lot of information and keeping the Indian images and themes from the original stories, while still being poetically beautiful and creative. I'm really impressed, great work!
When first visiting your storybook I noticed the design. I'm guessing black is one of your favorite colors based on your blogger profile and your storybook. Anyway, the text color contrasts nicely with the black background. The storybook is also easy to navigate.I noticed the picture of the child on the man's back. This is presumably a father and his son, which ties in very well with your introduction post and the way you set up your storybook. I think your introduction does a great job of showing the theme of your storybook, and giving the reader some foresight into the poems you will be sharing and why. I'm not exactly an avid reader of poetry, so I read each author's note before reading the poems. I found these to be very useful. I thought it was very cool that you provided links to words that you thought readers might have difficulty with in your first poem. My favorite poem was "The Drums of Lanka". The rakshashas have been really interesting for me as characters, and I chose to write my storybook about Ravana. So in turn I really enjoyed your poem about Ravana.
Hi Joe, as we had free choices on who to comment on this week for our story book choices, I decided to comment on yours because I had never been put in the same group as you so I never got a chance to read your stories. I would like to start off by saying that your idea for this storybook project was amazing and I really have to give you props on choosing to write poems as your posts in your website. I can see that you really put a lot of effort into writing this poems, and after reading Sita’s sonnet I was mind blown at the creativity it took to actually write that. Each paragraph or stanza had its own form and story. Overall I think you did an excellent job on your website and poems, and I was completely mind blown at your creativity. I could not really find anything wrong with your posts, no grammar errors at all so it was a very smooth read. I also could not think of anything that could make your stories better, they were perfect. I really enjoyed reading your stories and I will be back to read more for sure.
Joe, this is great. I liked the image you chose for your introduction page. I thought it was a bit long, kind of difficult for me to remain attentive, but overall really good. I think you did a terrific job of writing poetry in Dasaratha’s voice. Doing the storybook in this form really shows that you are creative and very talented. You should submit these poems to a website or something! Specifically, his comparisons to the lotus was such an incredible moment. I think you are truly gifted!
I really enjoyed Sita’s poem a lot. I liked how we really followed her through the rollercoaster of her life: from when she first laid eyes on Rama to when he abandoned her. Very powerful. I am honestly having trouble writing a comment here because everything is so perfectly written and thought out. I am so impressed by this!
You sure do know a lot (more than me) about poetry! I used to be into poetry in highschool but that seems like forever ago now and in comparison to your knowledge and talent on the subject. The fact that you can write a poem with the thought of a drum beat going along is so incredible. I have never heard of something like that, outside of music, of course. But even music is not as impressive as this! I mean, songs have a beat that goes along with the words, but not to this extent! So incredible.
Hello! I picked your storybook to look at this week because I saw that you were nominated by our classmates to be on the ballot for Best Overall Storybook. This time around I read Sita’s Sonnet and I was very pleased by my choice. To be completely honest, I’m not the biggest fan of poetry, but your storytelling style was mesmerizing. I wanted to read more and more. I’m so glad you chose to write your story in modern language because for non-poetry lovers like myself it was very easy to follow. Just from reading a few stanzas of your poem I instantly knew which scene you were describing and I felt like I was standing with Sita listening to her talk about her emotions. “I blindly followed you into exile,” was my favorite line of your poem because I was surprised when she did this in the actual story. I remember reading Ramayana and just thinking “wow, this woman must really love her husband to follow him into exile after only knowing him for a short period of time. Basically, your line is beautiful. I’m sure the rest of your stories are just as beautiful as this one. Great job Joe!!
First off, I really enjoyed the way your introduction set the scene for the poems to come. You emphasized the importance of the poems and their nature as true depictions of characters and events in the Ramayana, and really built up the suspense for the poems to come. So great job!
ReplyDeleteHowever, there were a few grammatical errors that I picked up on. For one, in the first paragraph you have an apostrophe when pluralizing Rakshasas that isn't necessary. Then, in the fourth paragraph you have "able translated," when it should be "able to translate." Then in describing the first poem, you have simply "milky serpent" when an article is necessary before it. Additionally, when discussing Sita's poem you have "that the other poems" when it should be "than the other poems." I may have missed some other errors, but these stuck out and should be easy enough to fix.
Finally, may I just say that your skills in writing poetry astound me! You were able to make so many references, obvious and discrete, and you employed such imagery I could really picture what you were describing! And the recurring theme of the seeds and the lotus really brought the entire poem together, as did repetition of terms and words from one stanza to the next. Simply amazing!! Fantastic job, I cannot wait to read the poems to come.
Thankyou for your comment...I am terrible at proofreading so I know it was distracting with all the errors, but thankyou for taking the time to close read it and I am glad that you were able to pick up on some of things I was hoping readers would pick up. Very keen.
DeleteHi Joe! First off, I just want to say that I love the topic that you have chosen. I love poetry, so I was excited to see how you would display it in your storybook. The picture that you chose for your cover page is very fitting for the topic, especially once I went to your introduction. I really like the manner in which you chose to narrate your stories as poems. The narrator is given an interesting back story. At the same time, you are giving an explanation for any stylistic differences that there may be between each poem. This gives you freedom to adapt each story as you choose. After reading the introduction I was hooked. I definitely wanted to read the poems. I have to say that the first poem was very well written. It is amazing how many things you were able to subtly reference throughout the poem. Though it was not extremely complex, your poem made me stop and think about all the things being stated. I love the way that you use Rama as the lotus to tie the poem together. I also think it is interesting how you use Dashratha as the author, displaying his pride in his children, as well as his guilt at Rama's fate. Overall, great job! I look forward to reading the next poems!
ReplyDeleteHey, good morning, Joe! I just want to say I found your storybook to be very interesting. It is definitely the first I have seen that is set in this way. The way in which you actually come up with such a long and well-put together poem telling the intricate Indian epics is quite impressive. I also really liked the design your storybook. The black background and tan letters make it is easy on the eyes to read. While the background may be black and tan, I found the various colorful and vibrant pictures to be a nice touch in adding a splash of color. The introduction to your storybook is also very easy to read. I found myself being drawn into to the story and before I knew it I was fully immersed in what was happening. I loved the depiction of how the protagonist grows up to continue his father’s work and clear his name of ridicule. Another aspect of your introduction I really enjoyed was how you laid out what Indian tails you would be addressing and deciphering and then you go ahead and show us how you found Rama to be a real person. There are a couple grammatical errors throughout but nothing too bad. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteJoe I was immediately drawn in by your cover page with the image you included, I like that you sized it to be a prominent part of the page to demand attention. Your introduction was really creative and I was worried at first I must admit because my storybook has a character who is an archeologist with archeologist parents as well. I love the angle you took with this, much more than I like my own storyline! I think giving the character such a great purpose of renewing his father’s name from shame strengthens this storybook. He is not simply looking around and finding these poems to decipher, which would be the easier route to go with this (I am pretty sure I took this route). I am super impressed with the first poem you chose to include. It seems like you are really good with word play and metaphors. I am not so great at deciphering poems like this but there were parts in here that were easier to understand than others. The author’s note you included helps the reader understand the overall meaning of the poem though so this is a guide, maybe you could put it at the beginning to make it easier to follow beforehand, but it is fine where it is as well! The picture of the lotus was also a great inclusion since the lotus is the main part of the poem pertaining to Rama. Great job !!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your helpful comments on my blog- I appreciate the thought and time you put in them!
ReplyDeleteHello, Joe! I just wanted to thank you for the comments that you've left on my stories and storybook. I really appreciate the compliments, and like that you were able to pick up on a lot of the emotions, themes, and characterizations I included. Also, thanks again for the compliments on my artwork! Something like that is hard to put out there, and comments like yours help build my confidence. Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteJoe, I really like the way your storybook is set up. I think the image you selected for your front page is really awesome. Where did you find it? I love art like that. I also really like the black backdrop. It kind of gives it a creepy feeling though. Is that what you were going for? I also like the idea of restoring a father’s name, especially through the medium of poetry. It’s nice to see someone else appreciate poetry these days. I appreciate your idea to use no meter – the free verse is beautiful and I think that you did a really good job capturing a certain element found within the stories told by R. K. Narayan. I also like the theme of the garden and lotus – the natural element provides a really good foundation for something so sad and filed with remorse. I agree with your notion that some of the best poems are ones with fewer words to paint a picture. My favorite part of your poem is the last stanza: And now I sit unable to express the regret of this despair,
ReplyDeleteSilently I suffer in this karagar I have constructed,
Sentenced by my own hand to die by dukh,
A crown, a throne, and a kingdom my son will never see…” It really captures the essence of the sadness of the characters.
Hi Joe!
ReplyDeleteWow - great job on your first story. Honestly, I don't know how you come up with stuff like that - it's great.
Your intro really sets the tone for your poem to come without giving too much away. I also like the picture you used in your story. At first glance I was confused but after reading it, it really made sense!
Your poem is awesome. It mixes simplicity with complexity. if that makes sense. You used such simple language to describe a seemingly complicated topic. Aside from that, you used a lot of imagery. I could picture it all in my head as I was reading, you begin to feel what the person speaking is feeling. The fact you can do that through a poem is even better!
Your whole theme kind of gives off a solemn feel. I don't know if that's what you were going for or not - but, it is kind of in contrast to the actual poem. However, maybe it will go better with some of your other poems. We will see.
I have a hard time reading white writing on a black background. Maybe that it just me, but if someone else ever mentions it..it might be something to think about!
Other than that, I really love the style you're using, it's so different from anything anyone else is doing!
Great job!
Hey, Joe! Your storybook was really cool to read. Writing it in the form of poetry is unique and a refreshing new change of pace which I really appreciate. The picture on the opening page was really beautiful and I love how it covered the majority of the page with beautiful colors. For the introduction, I was a little confused as to what the lotus was supposed to symbolize but as soon as I read your author’s note, it made a lot more sense. I should have picked up on the symbolism before, but it’s late at night so that’s probably why I didn’t. It was also super cool that you included links to different Indian phrases that added authenticity to the poem but also was educational. Your author’s note was very helpful for a number of reasons. For one, it helped clarify the lotus symbolism. Also, I like how you included what the different phrases from the poem were references to. It shows that you put a lot of thought into your work to use such unique symbolism and it’s even easier to appreciate the poem now that I know what everything means. Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading even more of your poems.
ReplyDeleteHey Joe! I would like to start off by telling you how much I really enjoyed this Storybook. It is one of the more unique ones that I have read so far. I really enjoyed the introduction part of this story. I really like how you included the parts about the younger days and why the writer respects his dad so much. It is also really clear why he must clear his dad’s name and make sure that he doesn’t continue to be a joke in the archeology group. I wasn’t really sure what to expect in the beginning and that really kept me going through this Storybook. There is never really a boring point through out this storybook. The poems really caught me by surprise. I didn’t really pay attention to your title and that’s probably why I was surprised. I just expected a explanation of the poem the writer found, but instead these are the actual poems. I was really amazed by your first poem. You did a really great job writing the story in a poem format. You also used really great metaphors that help the readers understand what you are talking about. I was really impressed by your first story/poem and can’t wait for the next one.
ReplyDeleteHey Joe, great job with your storybook concept! I really liked how you chose to do your storybook as a poem book. I mean how unique is that? I loved the idea and it got be super excited to see what all you included as your poems. I must say you have the right idea in mind and I can tell you are a great writer and are very creative. I liked all the unique titles you chose for each of your poems. I think the concept is clear and solid through the introduction, which is great! I also liked the cover page picture you chose because it is new and pleases the readers to want to read your book and enter your world of poetry. I enjoyed reading the first poem because it was so good and interesting! I wanted to read more and more which is exactly what you want from your readers. I liked the word choice and how elaborately you wrote each verse in your poem and your overall poem format was great! I think you are doing a great job with this storybook and I can't wait to read more of your poems. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat job with your storybook! This is the first storybook that I have read that uses the poem storybook style, and I think it makes your project very unique because writing 500 word poems is a lot harder than writing an 500 word story! You are a very creative writer, and it shows in your writing. I am not that creative so I really appreciate when I see someone blow me out of the water with their creativeness like you are doing with your storybook! Everything in your storybook is unique. From the titles, to the way you incorporate pictures in your storybook, everything really attracts the reader and wants them to read more. Your introduction is really good, as well. It is clear and explains the concept of your storybook really well. The layout is also good because it is clean and does not distract the reader away from your amazing poems! Your word choice is also really good. It is very descriptive and easy to follow. Your storybook is one of the best storybooks I have read so far! I cannot wait to read more of your poems throughout the semester. Keep up the good work with these creative poems!
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: This is SO believable. I had to keep telling myself that this is just a story you have made up. Since it seems so real, I wonder how you got your inspiration for this storybook. Are there some details that you took from your own life? I think you presented you topic very well, and I am excited that you did your story book in poem format.
ReplyDeleteDasaratha Sadness: Should the title read, "Dasaratha's Sadness"? I really like the parallel between Rama and the Lotus flower, and how you carried it throughout the entire poem. It looks like you put a lot of thought into the way you describe the beginning story of Rama from his dad’s perspective. I did notice that your stanzas started to slowly get smaller and smaller throughout the poem. Was that intentional? And I love the beautiful picture of the Lotus flower at the top.
Sita’s Sonnet: Clearly even after Sita decides not to kill herself she still is very affected by Rama’s exile of her. I am very impressed that you were able to stay within the disciplined confines of the structure of a sonnet. I think it was natural and beautiful to write a poem from Sita’s perspective about Rama. Question: If the existence of Rama is doubted, then is the existence of Sita and Dasaratha also questioned? If it is the case, then the find of these poems is even greater. And then if this is true why can’t there be a poem written directly by Rama?
Hi Joe,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first viewing of your storybook, so I will be considering your introduction as well as some of the stories. I think the first paragraph is solid overall, but the part that starts with "plus" appears to be a run-on or comma splice of some sort. I really enjoyed the interaction with the father and son, even though it was a little sad with the lack of time the father had for the son. My favorite part was that it became a quest to save the family name and reputation of your father.
I can honestly say I would never have picked to write poetry as my storybook project, so definite kudos to you for going beyond the typical project for this class. I can't say that I've ever understood the appeal with poetry, but using free verse in your writing definitely helped me from reading it like a limerick. I think the part of the poem I enjoyed the most was that it came from the voice of Dasaratha, one of my favorite characters. I like to imagine him scribbling down this poem while viewing a lotus flower much like the one in your picture.
Hey Joe! I wanted to revisit your storybook and see what all new poems you came up with and I must say you did a great job and did not disappoint your readers. You have a great writing style and your poetry is fantastic! I think the flow of each poem and line is great and not boring. I love the titles you chose for your poems because it describes the main concept and idea you are referring to or going to talk about. I think through your poetry you are giving out great detail and idea to your readers. I think your poems are both fun yet descriptive, which is great! I love the pictures you chose even though they are simple; they bring out the idea behind the meaning of the story. I would recommend working on laying out your poems in a cleaner way since it's kind of confusing which way to read and what is the end and what is the ending note. I would maybe lay the picture around the text and maybe fix on a single font size or something. Overall, I think you have the right idea and your book looks great. Good job!
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree Keerti. In my first poem the layout was easy but in the sonnet it was much harder. I really liked your layout and how you were able to fit the pictures in with your story. I am glad you noticed the issue with the picture because that was an issue I was most concerned with, unfortunately it was the best I could do because it is a sonnet so it makes it hard to break the lines up and each way I tried just came out all messy looking but you idea about the font may be something I can look at because I had not thought of that.
DeleteHi Joe! This week was my first time to look at your storybook! I thought the image on your coverpage looked really good against the black background!
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I thought you did a great job making the narrator relatable! Any of us would hate to see our father described in the way his father, so it really allowed the audience to form an emotional attachment to your character! I also love the idea of him proving them all wrong and redeeming his father! I think it's really cool that he was inspired to be an archaeologist by his father's stories! After hearing a little bit about the poems, I'm so excited to read them!
First story: Wow, this was amazing! You are so good at writing poetry! I was very impressed. I love how you really referenced how connected all of Rama's brothers were to him, because they were all part of Vishnu!
I especially loved this line in the poem:
"This debt that is owed has given me days of joy,
This debt now paid brings my remaining despair."
I thought you did a great job of going through Dasaratha's emotions from the birth of his sons to his death. I thought the Author's note was very helpful in allowing us to further understand the story!
I am going to wait for another week to comment on your second story so that I have plenty to write!
You did such a great job! It was so creative to use poetry as your writing style! I would definitely have been intimidated by that.
Hey Joe! I chose to ready your storybook as my free choice because I believe yours is one of the few that I hadn't had the chance to read yet! I was really drawn by your title when I was looking through the class's list of storybooks and I was just curious as to what you would have done with poetry. First of all, your cover page is really attention grabbing. It really catches the eye and is pleasing to look at. The image that you chose is just perfect, and really made me want to read on. Your introduction was also really great. I was captivated and curious the entire time I was reading it. I love the storybooks that relate to real life situations and really make them feel like it is your own personal story. I think that is a great way to appeal to the reader and make it relatable. I also really like how you showed us little excerpts from the poems that were found to make us interested. I think you chose a really creative way to tell your stories here. You were able to make them simple and easy to read, but to the point. My favorite of the two stories would definitely have the be "Sita's Sonnet" because I am such a sucker for a good love story. I think you did an amazing job at creating a lot of emotion in the poem, and really making it easy for us to image her speaking this poem herself. Overall, I think you did such a great job here. I really look forward to coming back and reading your last two poems! Fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteHey Joe! This is a great storybook and just keeps getting better as you add stories or in this case poems. I already said this and just wanted to say I again. This is one of the best storybook I have read so far. The introduction is really great and does a great job introducing the poems and bringing the whole storybook together. I really like this last peom because no one ever tells Sita’s side of Ramayana and the exile, and this poem does a great job of it. You did a great job in the last poem and can’t wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteHey Joe!
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time visiting your storybook and I was really excited about it. I saw that your title said "poetry" and I was instantly intrigued. I like your cover page; it's simple, but the colors work well together and it's easy to read. Your introduction was also really nice. I liked how personal and relatable you made it. You really created an emotional connection between your readers and your character. It's sad that the father and son didn't have much time together. I love that this is set up to be a story of redemption. Who doesn't like a good story of redemption and family? Your whole introduction tugged on the heart strings and made me want to read on!
As for your first story/poem, I want to start by saying that I like the image you chose. I love lotus flowers, and they are so symbolic. I'm highly impressed with your writing and bravery. Most people wouldn't choose poetry for many reasons including the difficulty of writing it and the possibility of criticism. Poetry is so emotional and personal, writing it can put the writer in a vulnerable place. Your poem is really beautiful and I like that you added links to further explain parts that may be confusing to readers.
I LOVE your storybook!
Hey Joe, it's me again! I simply HAD to return to your storybook this week. I am a huge fan of poetry and am so impressed with you and your writing. I read "Sita's Sonnet" this week and it was wonderful. I love the sorrowful feel of this poem; you really know how to invoke specific emotions in your reader. I especially loved this part of your poem:
ReplyDelete"He promised wealth for my carnal embrace,
I demanded poverty to stay chaste,
He offered life for my willing consent,
I asked him for death before I’d relent"
Your wording throughout the entire poem is superb, you know how to use more advanced and truly descriptive wording. I love that you emphasized her loyalty and devotion. She is such a passionate character and I feel like many writers and stories don't do her personality justice. I feel like she is so much more than what is portrayed in the stories we read. You did a great job of capturing her and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. I also want to compliment you on your ability to stick with the style of a sonnet. Sonnets can be pretty challenging to write because they have such a strict and specific structure. I write mostly freestyle poetry, but enjoy the challenge of occasionally sticking to a particular style (limerick, sonnet, haiku, etc). You did an excellent job and I look forward to reading you next poem.
Wow, this is the first time I've seen your storybook, and it's great! It's very ambitious to tell all these stories through poetry, but you really pull it off! The images are all very beautiful as well. Your poems do a good job of conveying a lot of information and keeping the Indian images and themes from the original stories, while still being poetically beautiful and creative. I'm really impressed, great work!
ReplyDeleteWhen first visiting your storybook I noticed the design. I'm guessing black is one of your favorite colors based on your blogger profile and your storybook. Anyway, the text color contrasts nicely with the black background. The storybook is also easy to navigate.I noticed the picture of the child on the man's back. This is presumably a father and his son, which ties in very well with your introduction post and the way you set up your storybook. I think your introduction does a great job of showing the theme of your storybook, and giving the reader some foresight into the poems you will be sharing and why. I'm not exactly an avid reader of poetry, so I read each author's note before reading the poems. I found these to be very useful. I thought it was very cool that you provided links to words that you thought readers might have difficulty with in your first poem. My favorite poem was "The Drums of Lanka". The rakshashas have been really interesting for me as characters, and I chose to write my storybook about Ravana. So in turn I really enjoyed your poem about Ravana.
ReplyDeleteHi Joe, as we had free choices on who to comment on this week for our story book choices, I decided to comment on yours because I had never been put in the same group as you so I never got a chance to read your stories. I would like to start off by saying that your idea for this storybook project was amazing and I really have to give you props on choosing to write poems as your posts in your website. I can see that you really put a lot of effort into writing this poems, and after reading Sita’s sonnet I was mind blown at the creativity it took to actually write that. Each paragraph or stanza had its own form and story. Overall I think you did an excellent job on your website and poems, and I was completely mind blown at your creativity. I could not really find anything wrong with your posts, no grammar errors at all so it was a very smooth read. I also could not think of anything that could make your stories better, they were perfect. I really enjoyed reading your stories and I will be back to read more for sure.
ReplyDeleteJoe, this is great. I liked the image you chose for your introduction page. I thought it was a bit long, kind of difficult for me to remain attentive, but overall really good. I think you did a terrific job of writing poetry in Dasaratha’s voice. Doing the storybook in this form really shows that you are creative and very talented. You should submit these poems to a website or something! Specifically, his comparisons to the lotus was such an incredible moment. I think you are truly gifted!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed Sita’s poem a lot. I liked how we really followed her through the rollercoaster of her life: from when she first laid eyes on Rama to when he abandoned her. Very powerful. I am honestly having trouble writing a comment here because everything is so perfectly written and thought out. I am so impressed by this!
You sure do know a lot (more than me) about poetry! I used to be into poetry in highschool but that seems like forever ago now and in comparison to your knowledge and talent on the subject. The fact that you can write a poem with the thought of a drum beat going along is so incredible. I have never heard of something like that, outside of music, of course. But even music is not as impressive as this! I mean, songs have a beat that goes along with the words, but not to this extent! So incredible.
Hello! I picked your storybook to look at this week because I saw that you were nominated by our classmates to be on the ballot for Best Overall Storybook. This time around I read Sita’s Sonnet and I was very pleased by my choice. To be completely honest, I’m not the biggest fan of poetry, but your storytelling style was mesmerizing. I wanted to read more and more.
ReplyDeleteI’m so glad you chose to write your story in modern language because for non-poetry lovers like myself it was very easy to follow. Just from reading a few stanzas of your poem I instantly knew which scene you were describing and I felt like I was standing with Sita listening to her talk about her emotions.
“I blindly followed you into exile,” was my favorite line of your poem because I was surprised when she did this in the actual story. I remember reading Ramayana and just thinking “wow, this woman must really love her husband to follow him into exile after only knowing him for a short period of time. Basically, your line is beautiful.
I’m sure the rest of your stories are just as beautiful as this one. Great job Joe!!
Hey Joe, I really appreciate all the comments you've left on my posts. Hope your semester ends well.
ReplyDelete